Non-Jews are for practice
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
