Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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