The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
