My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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