i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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