She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
