three words: i give head
three words: not that well
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
worst night to have a conscience
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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