Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
