ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
