Soap is not a condiment
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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