I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
