coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
