I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
