two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
