happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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