Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
