how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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