Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
