If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
