he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
