8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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