We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
