I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
