She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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