Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
