who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
