Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
