I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
