I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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