hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
