walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My feet surprised me
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