I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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