Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
