yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
