Already got asked if we're dating
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Barsexuality is the new black.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Randomize
