are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
