At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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