I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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