I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
