Little spoons don't ask big questions
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
