I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
