mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
