i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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