I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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