Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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