Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
