My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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