hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
