Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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