I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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