he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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