she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
