My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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