it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
