You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
