I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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