We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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