You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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