Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
